My eight-year journey from being the college girlfriend, fiance, and to finally becoming the wife. Just how much does a change in surname entails, really?
Warning: long post
Jeff and I were boyfriend and girlfriend for seven years when we got married. To be totally transparent, I have to admit I started staying in their family home months before the wedding because it was more 'practical'.
He works graveyard shift while I hustle in the day. Having at least half an hour every weekday morning to bond, discuss wedding planning and collaborate on DIY souvenirs during weekends were extremely helpful for us, possibly also the reason why our big day was 99% smooth.
Mean girl(friend)
As a girlfriend, I was the usual sweet-but-jealous type. I was paranoid that my overly kind, polite, and chivalrous boyfriend might be the target of ladies 24/7. Jealously was my number one trait, unfortunately.
My self-esteem was too low to catch daylight, and it was no fault of Jeff.
While he basically adored me, I still didn't see myself attractive enough for a good catch like Jeff to stick with. Until his marriage proposal (kind of) became my self-confidence pill.
Promotion to fiance
Fiance feels like a glorified title, the only difference for me is the responsibility to budget and plan a wedding. After the what I call "romanticized ritual of saying yes", the work begins in picking the wedding motif, booking affordable but quality suppliers, pigging out for free on food tastings, going on field trips to scout for the perfect reception venue, etc.
You also have the bling as proof. It is not required, of course, but my enormous sapphire engagement ring studded with four marquis diamonds was an effective conversation starter among sales ladies in malls (eg. "Ma'am ang laki ng singsing nyo, totoo yan?") LOL!
It's like being a beauty queen basically: you wear the crown (in this instance the ring) and you reign for at least a year championing your bridal advocacies. :P
Is being a wife any different
...especially when we moved-in together months before wedding day? Oh boy yes it does make a difference:
1. His clothes are my responsibility
When we were engaged, even if we lived together with his family, the most that I'd do is collect our clothes to the washing machine and that's it. He's not paralyzed, he sure can iron his clothes for work, right? For God's sake I was a roommate! Hahaha!
But when we got married, I had the sudden feeling that the way he looks outside the house is part of my duty. I want his peers to see a smart-looking man. I want him appear dignified and professional. So on weeknights after work, I self-studied using the iron, and even broke parts of it (thank goodness my mother-in-law is ever so patient with me). Because you see, I never ironed my clothes growing up. Yes, you can judge -- I was a princessita. I never lifted a finger in the kitchen (we'd volunteer to chop things apart when mom cooks, but she says we're just slowing her down and then she makes us read our books instead, lolol! To be fair I was the bookworm awardee in grade school haha).
2. Intimacy is not just pa-cute in the park
It is a legal right! Haha! I have to admit my pet peeves are overly PDA couples. But when I see a wedding ring, I forgive them in my head hahaha. Also, when I see old couples sweet with each other, I just can't help but admire them to bits. Keeping the fire alive is no joke.
When you are married, partner sees you without make-up, smells your bad morning breath, he witnesses your "woke up like this" selfie without the filter. You basically reveal your inner monsters -- in both physical and emotional forms. And there is no turning back. There's no money-back guarantee nor trial periods.
Remaining genuinely attracted and excited to the same person every day is work. It takes maturity. It requires commitment.
3. Domestication is key
For my fellow princessitas, this can be either a scary or exciting phase. Scary if you are afraid of breaking a few plates here and there, or even burning dishes (I've done both). But I welcomed it with open arms when we finally moved to our own home. In their Manila house where lived for a year, my mother-in-law was like my mentor. She did not spoon-feed me, but I observed how she keeps their home a safe haven and space of warmth. I have a looooong way to go and I think that's the thrill. Now that we have a place of our own, I look forward to establishing our own rules, our own ways, and our own traditions.
I found out that it's heavy for my heart to sleep tight with undone dishes in the sink. I found out that I hate dried up footprints in the toilet. I found out that I am not a fan of lavender as home fragrance. Basically what I'm trying to say is we discover the pettiest things about ourselves when we become wives. And that's what makes us unique fine ladies.
You do you
My intention in writing this post is not to tell you should iron his clothes religiously. Heck -- if you don't want to, then don't. It's not to pressure you that your ultimate goal in life must be to keep your house allergen-free.
I am not one to sermon you on what it takes to be wife.
Instead, I want you, bride-to-be, to be able to manage your expectations when all the lights are out and the gowns are kept in the shelves. Some couples focus on beautifying their wedding that they forget the real reason why they are spending a ton of money in the first place: lifetime commitment and everlasting adjustments and compromises.
Remember that when all the glitz and glamour of your magical wedding day come to an end, the real work begins. I hope you are after more than the shiny shimmering splendid of a wedding day. You must be 100% set for marriage. Otherwise, do your partner a favour and set him free. Spare him from a life of superficiality. Everyone deserves true love beyond Instagram and Facebook photos.
コメント