Do we owe it to the world to have children? What makes parenthood look like the be-all and end-all of life?
When we were young, we were told that our life's purpose is to graduate from college. It makes perfect sense. Anywhere you go, a bachelor’s degree gives you an edge. But so many people are also successful in life without diplomas. It is cliche to even cite Bill Gates as an example (I just did). However, unlike American IT genuises, achieving stable income for folks in a third world country won't be as easy. College is our ticket to success, they said. And so we graduate. A couple of years after, some of us are seeing people from work, some reconnected with classmates, some are using online dating apps. Regardless of the chosen method for romance, at some point in our lives, we date people. When the relationship becomes Facebook official and steady, we are asked: "When are you getting married?" Guess what? We tie the knot. We invited them, made sure they were fed by the best caterer, provided soulful music entertainment, gifted them with souvenirs before they set off for the night. Some still don't get satisfied with that. They then ask: "When are you having a baby?" Ironically, most people who demand for you to have a baby are the ones who couldn’t care less about your marriage. Kadalasan, simply chismosa/so lang. Some couples probably do not mind this, because, hooray for honeymoon babies! “You ask, we deliver.“ Lol. Some may handle it better by smiling and agreeing with everyone for the first few months of their married life. Where am I going with this? Is it rude to ask married couples when they're having babies? Are people not allowed to inquire about when you will reproduce? Why is everyone overly sensitive today?! I was once clueless. I used to tease couples about getting married and having babies. I thought they liked it. I though kinikilig sila. I had no idea that it was inappropriate and overstepping. Sometimes, it's the only conversation starter I have (sad day for introverts, no?). When I joined the online forum for newlyweds, I learned that it is actually offending certain couples. I have never felt this because I think people are only 1) being gossipy or 2) they have good intentions and are actually excited for us. Somewhere along the way, I eventually felt uncomfortable. I was pressured on why I should feed their curiosity. Does my ovary (yes, singular) answer to anyone else apart from me? Will they send my future daughter Heart and future son Sky to school? Is that why they're asking? LOL dibs on the names, by the way. So back to the topic: Why is asking for babies from other couples uncalled for?
1. We assume everyone got married to make babies. - Can't people marry each other these days because they want to legalize eternal love? I know real-life couples who absolutely know from their heart of hearts that they do NOT want children. And they feel cruxified for their own informed and adult decision. Society can’t wrap its head around such “advanced” thinking.
2. The question is actually sugar-coating our assumption that someone is 'weak.' - People love to speculate if Juan may be having slow sperm swimmers, or maybe Jane has unhospitable uterus. Karma is why they can't create another human being, isn't it? The plot thickens. 3. We think we know better. - Do you honestly think the question never crossed their minds? Yes, they know they are getting older. Yes, they know how to count. Yes, they know biology and are aware that they may have lesser chances of procreating. But you still nudge them with "when are you having babies?" They may already be suffering, they may be crying about this every night, their faith may have been tested for so many years now. You probing unnecessarily may add stress hormones that could further prevent them from having children. Pro tip: Pray for them silently if you really care.
Couples will tell you if they want to talk about it. Women will consult you if they think they need your advice. Men will open up if they think you could help. In short, wait for them to seek your wisdom. Let's fast forward to a scenario: they may have gotten pregnant. Wanna know what's in store for the next round?
Drum roll please: "Kelan nyo susundan yan?" Walang katapusan ang Q & A, ano? If time comes I receive this question, I'm ready to answer: May patago ba kayong pang-tuition? LOLLL joke lang :) So you made it through this post, I guess you already want to know: Eh kayo nga Dane, kelan nga kayo mag-aanak? Kaya ko nga ito binasa eh! 😂 Here's my Miss Universe answer: If we‘ll be blessed with a child, then thank you Lord. We have so much love to give and I am confident my husband will be the coolest dad. If we‘ll be blessed with more time and money but not with a child, then thank you Lord. We'll be able share our fortune with nieces and nephews, help out more charities, and travel together 'til arthritis gets the better of us. Of course I have my fears. I've had my anxities even before I had Jeff as my boyfriend. My worries are mainly medical — “what if my body won’t allow pregnancy?” But sometimes my mind goes the opposite way and thinks “what if I don’t like having to take care of a child?” A number of times I feel guilt because I like toddlers more than babies (because they can already talk and tell you if they need to pee. I am also not confident that I can carry a baby carefully with my short arms.)
I'm sure I won't give birth in the coming months because I am on pills for acne troubles (yehey sinagot na rin ang tanong, haha!). It may not also happen next year if something worse comes up. Yet I think about it EVERY single day. There's ALWAYS this voice in my head that asks: what if my womb won't meet society's expectations? Do you know what I do to mute the negative voice? I remind myself of what my husband told me when we got married: "Di kita pinakasalan para anakan.”
I guess ang haba ng hair ko dun. 🤷🏻♀️😂😇
Kommentare