Whenever hope is bleak, remember that God is so powerful He simply made mountains out of will. Any time, any day, He can move them for you. You just ask.
The past week was a challenging one. It tested our patience, determination, and most of all, our faith in the Lord. If you happened to read my entry titled "Faith in numbers", you would most likely have an idea why it was such.
I was filled with doubts if my husband and I will be able to 'survive' the next few weeks after his project at work was cancelled abruptly. We just moved in to our new home and financials are still adjusting to the rhythm. We haven't saved much either, as most of our funds were diverted to making the house live-able and a little bit more pleasant than bare. An additional hurdle was I was not physically feeling well and managed trips to the hospital.
Embarrassing it may be to admit, but my faith in God waned.
I knew I had to count my blessings to feel better, although my pride was getting in the way. I had the mindset that I was entitled to them anyway -- why should they count as blessings in the first place? I have the right to live, so being able to breathe shouldn't be a blessing. I have the right to quality of life, so the food I eat and the clothes I wear are not blessings. I have the right to comfort, this makes the house, bed, car, and all our other belongings supposed to come with it. We work hard for these material things. Why should I be thankful for them? Embarrassing it may be to admit, but my faith in God waned.
And then again, as if God wanted to scold me -- but appearing in front of me would take so much of His time (I bet He's busy answering other prayers) -- His message arrived in the form of another priest's homily. More on that later.
Though my faith was at an all-time low, I didn't stop visiting Greenbelt Chapel every lunch time at work. I restarted my novena to St. Joseph the Worker, our go-to saint for employment matters in the family since 2010. (Lol, that sounds so formal) Our loved ones and friends also whispered prayers for us.
Without expecting anything (remember my faith was not very strong at this point, I was bracing myself for the worst dramas as I am a certified negatron and paranoid), God manifested His power instantaneously. Jeff went from unemployed to a very much sought-after software engineer in a span of one week. Job offers quickly arrived. Yes, Jeff is talented, experienced, and an absolute programming nerd. But it was God's 'yes' to our prayers that made these all possible in His own time.
My smile was ear-to-ear because we got another prayer answered.
The homily 'story'
On the same day job offers turned up, I attended the first friday mass at Greenbelt Chapel. My smile was ear-to-ear because we got another prayer answered. But God did not stop my learning experience from there. He made the mass celebrant speak about 'entitlement'. The priest said in his sermon: "Hand someone P100 a day for no reason at all. When you suddenly stop giving, this person will hate you for it. It is because he's grown accustomed to receiving from you, his mind made him believe he was entitled to the money. We all think we are entitled to these blessings. We forget that God gives everything because He loves us."
The sermon hurt. I was guilty. I am that person. God 'scolded' me through the homily.
I've been 50-50 on giving thanks while growing up. Because we work hard for it means we should get it, right? That's my dark, alter ego telling me things. Lol. Never did I remind myself that God controls everything beneath Him. And that we are under His mercy and love. He can always turn tables and make us fail in our endeavors no matter how hard we try. He can always choose a different result from what we have in mind. But He doesn't play around with what He can control. He moves with reason. He gives with love.
The priest ended his homily by telling us to keep a grateful heart, because a grateful heart does not envy what others have. A grateful heart does not turn violent or greedy. A grateful heart does not feel incomplete. A grateful heart does not wallow in anxiety. A grateful heart is at peace.
I want to live in peace. So I guess I am keeping a grateful heart.
God moved mountains for us this week. He paved the way for job offers to reach my husband. He showered several opportunities not merely because Jeff was bankable and skillful. He did all these because He loves us. His children asked, He answered. And He did it all so lovingly.
:)